I cannot move past this. I simply won’t. I cannot get the thoughts of this out of my head and honestly, I don’t want them gone. I feel the greatest clarity I’ve ever felt in my life, crystalline purity, I know with every fiber of my body this has to end. A society whose children are slaughtered like this has no future. A society who exports evil into the world through our weapons and propaganda cannot continue. There is no binary political angle to see this from, there is no Republican or Democrat here. Both parties clearly have nothing to offer us. The Senate has gone on their vacation. Joe Biden isn’t going to help us. Donald Trump isn’t going to help us. Tucker Carlson & Rachel Maddow are just yammering twits who sell advertisement time. None of them feel any need to help because the chaos and the violence is how it’s supposed to work, it’s how they and the people before them going all the way back to the start of this experiment designed it. The violence keeps us cowering in fear and doing whatever they tell us because they are the ones in charge, right?
I am so tired of fear & anxiety being the main driver in my life and I have a feeling you are too. It’s time to wake up. You have to wake up. You have to hold onto the best of yourself and burn away the parts that keep us afraid. They put that fear on us like weights to keep us dragging, heads always looking down and unable to look up, to see the light.
Imagine you’re standing on the cliff, your back to the edge. In front of you are the Smiling Men and they bring you the most delicious greasy salty sweet crunchy treats and they hold screens playing the best shows & movies you could ever imagine. Just behind them are beautiful big amusement parks full of rides where your dreams can come true. But behind, just beyond the edge of that cliff you can hear screams & wails. You might peek a few times and notice the Void, dark and swirling and the people, the forgotten people being swallowed up in its mouth. But the Smiling Men keep tapping you on the shoulder and saying, “Oh no no no. You don’t want to see that. Look over here. Don’t you want to be happy all the time?”
We have to turn around and look into that Void, that mass of all the suffering, wars, destruction, hatreds, pure distilled evil perpetuated in our name and confront it. It is terrifying yes, I know, I have looked straight into it and it changed me. But I am better for it and you will be too. The thing about that cliff you are standing on, that you may have not noticed is that it stretches the entire horizon and there are people standing shoulder to shoulder with you. I’m there, shoulder to shoulder with you. The Smiling Men have kept us so caught up in their amusements and the fear of losing them that we forgot about that line of people that goes on forever. All you have to do is reach out to the hands of those people next to you, hold them. I will hold your hand when you look in the Void so you’ll know that you don’t have to face confronting that evil alone. But it simply has to be confronted.
There are three natural human responses to danger: Fight, flight, freeze. I choose flight. I understand the scope of history, I can look at where we’ve been, where we are, and get a strong sense of what comes next. It is going to be so horrible, worse than this even. I knew that because of my beliefs, because I’m married to someone who is not white, because my wife is bisexual that it was only a matter of time. That one day all that anger, confusion, pain, and hatred that is so large in my homeland would destroy me one way or another. Moving here was not a joyful experience because I am for lack of a better term a refugee from my homeland. Right now so many are frozen, that’s a natural response. But I am asking you to please start by looking into all that evil that has brought us here. One place that has had a strong effect on me is asking, “What must those children and those teachers have seen in that school? What horrors did they witness?”
No amount of guns, no amount of metal detectors, all the quick but thoughtless solutions aren’t fixing this. The year after I graduated from college I tried to kill myself. That’s not something I have told many people, but I am telling you, whoever is reading this, that face because I love you. And I want you to know that I’m so glad I failed. Because if I had been successful I would never have come to this moment where, despite how afraid they have made me for so much of my life, I’m done with the fear. We do that everyday, pushing away real human connection because we’re afraid. Those in power love that because the thing they fear more than anything in this world is solidarity, the people united as one to make this world a better place. And time is running out, we’re in the final part of whatever this is and things will get so bad. The only way we keep the good alive is by grasping the hands of the person next to you on that cliff. We turn around together and we face it. I can’t tell you the magic solution to solve it all but I can tell you we start by confronting what we have hidden from ourselves.
You have to wake up!
Message me if you need to (huckabees @ gmail dot com) If you just don’t want to tackle this, I understand but I think this is where we part ways. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do but nothing isn’t a choice. If you’re seeking out what that is, talk to me. Let’s figure it out. We don’t have to do this alone.